"It's futile to resist change, man."
~ Fillmore, Cars3
In the spring, I treated myself to a "new" car. It's actually three years old and was coming off a lease, but as the driver of a 20+-year-old car, that was new enough for me. In fact, it was too new for me.
This car talks to me. It beeps at me. If a tire touches the line separating lanes, the steering wheel shakes and the dashboard glows bright orange, announcing LANE DEPARTURE. As my mother would've said, it's a bit much.
In the early days, when I was still flailing with my newly acquired automotive challenges, I found myself talking back to the car. "I know, I know!" "Alright, I get it!" I learned inside a car wash that the car brakes automatically. Evidently, it was heading for a guard rail. "Okay, okay!"
Driving home one night the dash lit up with a message: "You seem tired, pull over and take a break." "Excuse me?" This is a bit too much automotive surveillance for me.
On the plus side, the car looks good and rides beautifully. I've figured out how to use some of the features, but it's slow going. Take, for example, locking the car. This should be as easy as flicking a light switch, yes? Ha! Don't be fooled.
The locking mechanism is a keyless fob, of course. Try to lock it on the first try; I dare you. An extra five minutes is needed for every time-sensitive destination just to lock the blessed car. Please don't direct me to the user's manual, which is about five inches thick. There are no less than 14 pages detailing various means of locking/unlocking this automotive wonder. "Really?"
A new car was a practical decision. I was spending crazy cash on the old car, not so much on repairs as on replacement parts that were giving out with time. There have been no replacements or repairs so far on the newbie, but the increased insurance and registration even the equation.
I don't regret buying a newer high-tech car; it had to happen eventually. But I do miss the simplicity of my old beater. I especially miss that magical metal key.
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| From Disney's Cars movie series |


