The Week Before Christmas

It's the week before Christmas, my shopping's complete.

I've got bags and boxes surrounding my feet.

My letter is written and ready to fly,

My Christmas cards sit on the table nearby.

There's still all the cross-country traveling at hand,

Gift wrapping I'll finish, only after I land

In New York, for a Christmas just like days of old,

With memories that shimmer like California gold.

Automotive Purgatory

I have owned/driven only two vehicles since 1979.

When I began shopping for a new car last month ago, I remembered why.

It is a place of unique torment, becoming a car shopper. Even in these troubled economic times, most dealers will try to haggle every last dime out of the deal. Perhaps it's worse nowadays, since the dealerships are so hungry for customers.

Holy shock absorbers, what a nuisance! Under the current grim circumstances in the auto industry, you would think dealers would try not to be so annoying, but I suppose they can't help themselves.

Since I make the decision for this major purchase only once every fifteen years, I tend to do my research well in advance, figure my budget to the dollar, and know exactly what I'm looking for. However, nothing has changed for the better in the automotive sales world since my last purchase, in 1993. The straightforward communication of facts is meaningless to a salivating car sales rep.

It was as though I was speaking an ancient dead language, and I'm the only person left in the world who understands it. I suppose that was fair, since salesmen quickly discovered that the words "for only one thousand more" were not computing with me.

Even though I explained that I have a blank check from my bank, "not to exceed" a certain amount, eager dealers tried to tack on extra charges. I also received "urgent" phone messages in my blackberry--on Saturday morning. Shame on me for being foolish enough to hand out my business cards, but it made sense to me that the dealers should be able to reach me during the workday. Saturday is not a workday for me, but apparently that fact is irrelevant to a car dealer intent on strapping me into one of his orphaned inventory.

Today, I made my decision and emerged from automotive purgatory into the serenity of new car ownership. Well, new to me, anyway; after driving a 1993 Saturn all these years, a 2005 "pre-owned" car sure feels new. I saw; I liked; I bought (after a test drive, of course). I'm going to collect my used car--excuse me, I mean my "pre-owned vehicle"--tomorrow.

After my experiences of the past month, I'm quite sure I'll be good to go for another fifteen years. I bought a Honda Civic with low mileage, so a decade-and-a-half should be no problemo.

Political Fatigue

As the Brits would say, I've "gone off" national politics and have been avoiding the topic since the election, in case you haven't noticed. That's because I'm feeling a bit war-weary after the years-long presidential campaign, I'm bored by partisans both left and right, and I'm tired of hearing about corruption.

So today's news about Illinois' governor is instantly exhausting. Why? Because this latest dirty political scandal will now be flayed by the media to the last juicy bone until we're even more sick of it than we were of Rev. Wright.

This is one American who feels like wiping the chessboard clean and starting over from scratch, beginning with new local representatives, proceeding to the state level and all the way to federal officials.

Evil Is As Evil Does

Last week, a Canadian critic reprimanded me for failing to understand that Muslims feel “vulnerable.” Au contraire, they project tremendous cultural confidence, as well they might: They’re the world’s fastest-growing population. A prominent British Muslim announced the other day that, when the United Kingdom becomes a Muslim state, non-Muslims will be required to wear insignia identifying them as infidels. If he’s feeling “vulnerable,” he’s doing a terrific job of covering it up.

~ Mark Steyn

Face facts, dinosaur media types. Militant Muslims are the bad guys. The problem is not President Bush, or American foreign policy, or the big bad United States. The problem is evil, as perpetrated by Muslim radicals. Extremist madmen (and women) in the Muslim community who want all Westerners dead--especially Jews and Americans, as evidenced by the horrific India attacks--are the problem.

It is positively psychotic for any member of the MSM to act like the Bombay terrorist attacks were America's fault. Today, Pearl Harbor Day, is a good time to examine how the bombings and murders are being portrayed. Can you imagine a newspaper in December 1941 reporting that the Japanese were feeling "vulnerable"? That the "vast majority" of them were "moderate"?

No? Well, neither can I. That's because it makes zero sense. And no one in the media at that time was stupid enough to present anything but the facts. Let's toast the good old days of journalism, long gone and sorely missed.

Steyn concludes:

I wrote in my book, America Alone, that “reforming” Islam is something only Muslims can do. But they show very little sign of being interested in doing it, and the rest of us are inclined to accept that. Spread a rumor that a Koran got flushed down the can at Gitmo, and there’ll be rioting throughout the Muslim world. Publish some dull cartoons in a minor Danish newspaper, and there’ll be protests around the planet. But slaughter the young pregnant wife of a rabbi in Bombay in the name of Allah, and that’s just business as usual. And, if it is somehow “understandable” that for the first time in history it’s no longer safe for a Jew to live in India, then we are greasing the skids for a very slippery slope. Muslims, the AP headline informs us, “worry about image.” Not enough.

The West worries too much about calling evil what it is, when it happens. We do so at the peril of our existence. I wonder if, at this point, we have time enough left to figure that out for ourselves.

No Comparison

As longtime readers know, I'm an addict of the Fox television show "24." So when I missed "Redemption," the two-hour prequel to the new season that aired November 23, I was disconsolate.

Then, through the magic of Google, I realized that I could watch all one hour, 27 minutes of the two hours (well, it's two hours "real time"--including commercials) on my computer.

So tonight I made my cup of tea, tucked a throw pillow into the desk chair, fired up my computer and settled in to watch the show. It was customarily engrossing, brutal, and suspenseful, but I have learned, the hard way, that on-computer viewing will never rival the comfy living room sofa-and-television combo. I have a backache, a crick in my neck, my eyes are scratchy, and a vague headache threatens.

Still, these minor complaints are nothing to what our fictional hero Jack Bauer had to endure in the space of 90 minutes. Holy machete, Batman. I'll stop there to avoid playing the spoiler for those of you who still have "Redemption" TiVO'd and ready to go.

Yahoo recently had a blog face-off between Jack Bauer and James Bond. I'm incredulous that James Bond won. I mean, James Bond has been around on film since I was a kid. How many actors have played Bond? A half dozen? One as immeasurably dull and perfect as the other?

However, there is only one blood-spitting, fist-splitting Jack Bauer!

I don't even bother with 007 flicks. I think I saw a couple back in my high school days, but they bored me. Tuxedos? Martinis? Sex and fancy cars? Phooey. Give me dirty, gritty, hell-bent-on-good-triumphing-at-any-cost Jack Bauer any day, with his perpetual 4-day beard and his highly creative renegade ways. I'm one of legions of Bauer fans who agree, as evidenced by this link to "24 Reasons Why Jack Bauer rules.

At the end of the Yahoo face-off, the question is posed: "Which operative would you rather have saving your life?" My answer is, of course, the one I contorted myself into an office chair to watch for almost an hour and a half.

Bauer. Jack Bauer.

My Bailout Plan

Dear Members of Congress:

The astute among you (please God, a few of you are) may be aware that hard-working American citizens have taken quite a hit in their assets lately. Between the real estate crash and financial meltdown, most of us will be hopping to the tune of an alarm clock for a decade or so longer than we had hoped or planned.

Unless, of course, you assist us with easy cash. You seem to have the federal checkbook at the ready for every Ford, GM, and Chrysler that strolls through the chamber holding out empty pockets, so let me present my personal bailout plan.

Being conservative, I estimate my handout--excuse me, bailout--at a measly $50,000. A nice, round number, a bit less (actually, a lot less) than what I've actually lost, but oh, piffle, it's only money, right? And such a tiny sum! I would think you could scrape up $50,000 out of the annual Capitol Hill breakfast budget.

Anyway, in exchange for a modest $50,000 reimbursement for my mental distress at watching my life savings evaporate due to rampant corruption within government and without, I propose the following Ten Point Plan:

1. Continue to drive my 1993 car until the wheels fall off.

2. Wash said car myself, passing by the fund-raising kids who accept any donation.

3. Watch only my $8.99 (+tax) per month, unlimited Netflix, omitting any bargain matinees.

4. Watch said Netflix on my 1990 TV until it dies, then buy a used, cheap, pre-flatscreen set.

5. Keep wearing my 2001 leather jacket instead of buying a new one on sale.

6. Stop the quarterly manicures--such extravagance!

7. Allow my newspaper subscription to expire; there's nothing but bad news, anyway.

8. Stay out of Target, even if all my brands are on sale.

9. E-mail friends and family for birthdays, instead of sending cards.

10. Tell my kids to bring their own food when they visit me for Sunday dinner.

No doubt I'm overlooking numerous areas of profligate waste within my personal budget, but I hope you'll agree that the above-noted proposals are a productive start to justifying my bailout. I look forward to your prompt response, hopefully before you adjourn for your next six-week holiday.

By all means, feel free to send my check C.O.D. I'll pay for it; I always do.

Thankfulness

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues,
but the parent of all others.
~ Cicero

There's a great deal of bad news these days. Terrorist bombings, banks failing, industries in financial straits, city and state governments in dire straits, unemployment rising...I could go on, but we all know the gloomy picture.

So what is there to be thankful for? More than we realize. Start with your family, proceed to your health, and keep on counting. You'll be amazed at how many blessings grace each of our lives, whether we pause to acknowledge them or not.

To be thankful for what one has is to be content in life. An "attitude of gratitude" is a blessing in itself. Anyone can attain a grateful state of being; it just takes some cultivating. The wise among us invest the time and energy to do so.

Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all.

Take the Quiz

This is tragic.

Ordinary citizens scored only 49% on this civics knowlege quiz posted by the Intercollegiate Studies Institute. More upsetting is the fact that elected official scored even lower, at 44%.

Take the quiz and see how you do. (I got a 78.79%...still a dreadful score!)

While I don't agree politically with actor Richard Dreyfuss, I think he is really onto something vitally important with his Civics Lessons. I hope this good and timely cause gets the attention it deserves.

Out of Gas

These days, not too much in the news has the power to amuse me, but I laughed out loud when I read that the "Big 3" CEOs from Detroit flew into town on their private jets to make their plea for taxpayer money.

Oops. Maybe the Beverly Hillbillies pickup truck would have been a tad too far in the other direction, but don't you think the big shots might've had more luck in Congress if they had carpooled to Washington in a Ford Escape-Hybrid SUV?

Taking a private jet to ask for a handout is like wearing a 10-carat diamond ring in a soup line. It's kind of a jarring, what's-wrong-with-this-picture moment.

The planned vote on aid to the auto industry has been canceled, as of tonight. Well, too bad, but thankfully some neurons are firing in Washington. Things are tough all over, and probably will be for a very long time. The auto industry has ignored every harbinger of automotive doom in the last 35 years, starting with the 1973 oil embargo. Why should their stupidity, laziness, and/or greed get preferential treatment in the current crisis?

Like most Americans, my retirement fund is down 35%, and there's no place I can go for relief except back to work in the morning. Every morning. For many, many more years. At the rate the economy is sinking, I'll probably be carried out of the copy room one day, feet first...when I'm in my 70s or 80s.

Again like most Americans, I've managed just fine in life without stepping foot on a private jet. Money's never been much of a presence in my life, and it's even less likely to be in the future. But, unlike the Big 3 CEOs, I'm well acquainted with how to run on empty.

Qualifications?

So, do you think Barack Obama would pass muster if he stood in line for a job within his own administration? Based on this questionnaire, which applicants for a position in the Obama administration must complete, it's doubtful he would qualify. That third section, Relationships and Affiliations, would be a bridge way too far.

Having been put through an 18-month wringer to obtain a security clearance when I worked in the defense industry, I find it particularly amusing that Obama probably would not qualify for a clearance if he was applying as a rank-and-file government employee. But as president, he is automatically--quite magically--granted one.

I suppose he can still be fussy about his underlings. He's on the right track if he's showing more discretion as president than he did during his ascendancy to the office.