Monday, October 04, 2004

A World of Hurt

OK, I knew the “global test” remark was going to drop John Kerry into some hot water. But I had no idea that it would be at such a rolling boil so quickly.

Kerry is backpedaling to clarify his outlandish statement, and he’s getting his bell bottoms caught in the wheel. As noted by Hugh Hewitt , Kerry now says, "But I can do a better job of protecting America's security because the test that I was talking about was a test of legitimacy, not just in the globe, but elsewhere."

Scotty, beam me up.

This “elsewhere” quote is eerily reminiscent of a Gray Davis gaffe in 2003. As Davis struggled unsuccessfully to save his governorship, in one painful speech he noted that people from “many other planets” lived here in California. When Election Day arrived, Davis was set free by the people of California to explore those other planets in his newfound leisure time.

And so it will be with Klingon Kerry

There isn’t time before Election Day to mine the wealth of nutty gold nuggets to be found in Kerry’s debate. People, including President Bush, are tending to stop short at the “global test” line, which is fair enough. There's enough horsepower in that one "Oops!" to blow him away. But there were so many other outer space whoppers in Kerry’s performance, it’s almost a shame to ignore them.

Like shutting down the bunker buster bomb program, while offering nuclear aid to Iran. Now, there’s an idea that could probably cause trouble elsewhere than the globe! And what are the chances of Kerry building a “true coalition,” as he insults and dismisses the good friends who are standing with us? His message seems to be, hey, if you're not France and you're fighting with us, then you're stupid.

What did you think of his idea of ending the war with a summit meeting? Why, that’s brilliant! Why hasn’t Condi or Colin thought of that yet? How would you like to be the event planner for the “Ending the War on Terror Cocktail Reception”? Masks are optional, please check your machetes at the door, self parking only for suicide bombers.

As for Osama bin Laden being our prime target, how does Kerry know that ObL is even alive at this point? What about the millions of other killers intent on seeing Americans dead—including Saddam Hussein?

There are so many directions you can travel to explore the strange new worlds of John Kerry. Unfortunately, we have to live in this world right now, so we need solutions that work here on the Third Rock From the Sun. I suppose John Kerry understands the War on Terror about as well as the next extra terrestrial alien being. In his wildly inaccurate imagination of his ability to communicate with an enemy who will not listen, he’s able to go where no man has gone before. In his hubris, he's able to convince himself that the terrorists will listen to him, and to him only.

After Election Day, I’m hoping Kerry will have as much leisure time as Gray Davis does to travel the globe. Or, maybe even go elsewhere.