Life's a Beach

Newport Beach, CA - 4/26/20

Some of the self-appointed, emperor-style governors in the U.S. are going to start having their royal hands full as the spring weather warms and brightens cities and towns across the country. For example, California's Gov. Gavin Newsom has decreed that citations be issued to surfers and swimmers enjoying the beach.

Good luck with that, Governor. You're about to be confronted with a burgeoning forest of middle fingers. (And don't sunshine and high temperatures kill the virus, anyway? Never mind...)

If the weekend is a sunny 88 degrees in Southern California, the beaches are going to be full. If Newsom can't get his head around that, he shouldn't be governor. Generally speaking, Americans just don't take kindly to being bossed around. More specifically, Californians are not ones to be separated from their swimsuits and surfboards.

Allow me to illustrate my point with a hypothetical comparison. If a totalitarian Communist regime tells beach lovers they are not allowed to swim or surf, immediately they will stay miles away from any beach and either destroy their swimwear or bury it in the basement. If a tightly regulated socialist society tells beach goers to stay home, they will obediently put their beach gear in the closet and docilely wait for the government to make an official announcement that the beach is once again accessible before they venture towards the beach.

In America, when you tell people they can't go to the beach, can you guess the very first thing they're going to do? Oh, yes--in massive droves, they are going to the beach! Even if they hadn't been planning to go there, even if they don't like the beach, they are going to the beach. And they will stay there the entire day, from sunrise to sunset. Law enforcement personnel will run out of paper in their citation pads before they can ticket every person enjoying the beach. I'm not saying it's right; it's just how Americans roll--especially during a SoCal heat wave.

Of course, I understand that the governor's taste of autocratic power over the past month or so has probably been intoxicating. It must be a wildly exciting ride to be dictating the every movement (or lack of same) of all state citizens. But if the heat stays up, be prepared for a continuing beach-goer rebellion. Hang ten, Governor.