Monday, April 11, 2005

The Less Said, The Better

Almost overnight, the news has plunged back into its usual morass of mediocrity. We have the usual dueling between Democrats and Republicans, with the Dems kicking and screaming, figuratively speaking (most of the time), over each majority thrust and parry. Soaring gas prices, manhunts for escaped cons, kooks in the Capitol--we're back in the hamster wheel of hellish headlines.

But nothing is more tedious than the so-called "celebrities" that populate today's news. Are we really as desperate for inane drivel as some of today's "stars" indicate? If so, how tragic!

There are dozens of newsmakers I could easily spend the rest of my life without hearing another single syllable about. In order to not waste your precious time, here's my personal Top Ten:

1. Michael Jackson. If only he would take a moonwalk--to the moon.

2. Paris Hilton. Does anyone really care?

3. Brad Pitt. Sorry it didn't work out with Jennifer, but must we all suffer?

4. Jennifer Aniston. Sorry it didn't work out with Brad, but must we all suffer?

5. Jessica Simpson. I think she sings, but I'm not sure. And I'd like to keep it that way.

6. Britney Spears. I know she sings, but I'm not sure why. And I'd like her to stop.

7. Christina Aguilara. Get dressed, sit down, be quiet.

8. Madonna. Enough said.

9. Anna Nicole Smith. See Number 2.

10. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Well, I can dream, can't I?